So You're Thinking of Marrying Again

May 2006

Few things are as devastating as divorce, and chances are you thought you'd never have anything to do with another relationship... Well, here are some guidelines for when you do decide to give love another chance.

Before you start dating again, give yourself and your kids at least a year to heal and to settle into your new family configurations (both yours and your ex's).  Nurture, comfort, reassure and enjoy one another.  Take time to sort out your pain and disappointments.  Let the Lord search your heart, and come to understand your role in the failure of your marriage.

Be prayerful about beginning a new relationship.  While you may be lonely and desperately wanting a loving relationship... when you are ready to start seeing someone new, allow the relationship to grow for six months to a year before introducing your "other" to your children.  This gives you time to develop a strong "new couple relationship."  Meanwhile, continue to nurture and enjoy your children, while allowing them time and access to yourself and their father and his new family.  Remember, there are often more changes for the kids in divorce situations than there are for you.  Keep communication lines open - let kids talk openly about their feelings, concerns and hope for the future.

Experts recommend waiting about two to five years before marrying again.  While this may seem like a terribly long time if you are deeply in love, it tends to give all members plenty of time to get used to one another before negotiating the new roles of the stepfamily.

As for blending a new family - it's never as easy as it looks on TV.  In fact, it takes from 3 to 7 years for a stepfamily to 'settle in.'  Patience and humor are your biggest allies.

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Wife, mother of three and Registered Psychologist, Dr. Skidmore is well acquainted with the challenges of living a balanced life.  A humorous and dynamic communicator, Dr. Skidmore runs her own private practice, is Executive Director of "Take it to Heart Workshops", a popular radio guest "expert", and has hosted her own radio talk show.