He Loves Even Me

by Vicki Cherry

September 2006

For thirty-four years I ignorantly broke the first commandment, "You shall have no other gods before me."  (Deuteronomy 5:7)  When I truly met Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour and made Him Lord of my life, only then did I realize how I had been 'worshipping' my earthly father, seeking his approval rather than my heavenly Father.

Like many young girls, I desperately longed for my dad's acceptance, but he was not an easy man to please.  Gaining his approval over the smallest thing was rewarding and boosted my fragile self-esteem.  He was most proud of me when I acted like him - being as crudely vocal as he was amused him and finding a career in the construction industry a perfect tribute to him.  I mistook his control as favour... when he wanted to know everything that happened to me, gave me advice and direction, and set me straight when I strayed from the path he thought best forme.  I consulted and complied with his desires - until I married the man God chose for me.

My husband was an answer to one of my select few prayers to the Lord.  Through my husband I began to learn to be myself, to think for myself, and to realize I was worth loving unconditionally.  He encouraged me to grow, supporting me as I explored life where I discovered I was not really like my dad at all.  Sadly, these changes were not met kindly by my father.  His rejection of both my husband and me has been very painful.

Through this difficult experience, God began to reveal Himself to me as a Heavenly Father.  He showed me the truth, the light and the way... His way.  While I saw the weaknesses and failures of my earthly father, my eyes were also opened to the love and forgiveness of a God who could set me free.

Today I see life and my father differently.  Although I pray for his heart to be changed and healed, and that he, too, will find this freedom in Jesus Christ, I no longer have to perform to gain my dad's acceptance or approval, which didn't work anyway.  I no longer 'worship' him in that way.  I have learned to worship God as my heavenly Father because he has shown me His amazing love, forgiven my messed-up past and set me free to love and serve Him.  I am blessed!