Dealing With Guilt

October 2006

Many of us deal with excessive or inappropriate guilt, especially as women.  We are quick to take responsibility for things because we feel we should have done this or that to prevent what has occurred. We feel ultra-responsible when something bad happens to our children or our family.

Guilt weighs us down, brings us down, and is, in fact, a common symptom of depression.  Shedding inappropriate guilt frees our minds and hearts.  One of the best ways to deal with guilt is to take a thorough look at the circumstances and construct what is called a "Responsibility Pie".*

• Make a list of all the people and circumstances that contributed to the problem.  List yourself last.
• Using a pencil, draw a circle and begin to apportion responsibility to all the individuals and/or circumstances on the list, adding your past (your piece of the pie) last.

What I find in my work is that prior to doing the exercise, people assume their piece of the pie is the largest.  They often draw their piece way out of proportion to the truth, and are surprised by the reality of the situation when they see it graphically.  Jesus said, "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32), and I can literally see the relief my clients experience as they realize they have been struggling under the weight of inappropriate or 'false guilt'.

For your part, make amends.  Prayerfully, tell the Lord you are truly sorry.  Ask Him to forgive you and cleanse you.  Ask Him to strengthen you to make changes so you do not continue to hurt others.  If you need forgiveness from others, speak to them (if possible) with humility and ask them to forgive you. Then, go free!

*Adapted from "Mind Over Mood:  Change How You Feel by Changing How You Think," by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky.

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Wife, mother of three and Registered Psychologist, Dr. Skidmore is well acquainted with the challenges of living a balanced life.  A humorous and dynamic communicator, Dr. Skidmore runs her own private practice, is Executive Director of "Take it to Heart Workshops", a popular radio guest "expert", and has hosted her own radio talk show.