Learning to Live after a Heart Attack

by Joyce Douwes

November 2006

Prior to that day in June, I enjoyed a very active lifestyle.  I love to power walk or cycle in the country with my dogs and my dear friend and neighbour, Debbi.  We held each other accountable in making sure we 'got out there.'  We had recently pushed ourselves from 4.5 kms to 7.5 kms walking.  I was in excellent health, careful of what I ate and had no risk factors.  On Friday, June 9th, Debbi and I decided to bike.  And that's when life changed for me.  I suffered a heart attack because of something called a "spiral dissection", a tear in an artery, which caused a clot and therefore a heart attack.

After 4 months, it has left me a changed person physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I am physically much weaker, emotionally much more understanding and compassionate toward those who have gone through some type of hardship or trauma in their lives, and spiritually closer to my Lord.

Was I ever angry?  I've given that alot of thought.  I don't believe I was ever angry with God.  I never blamed him, but angry that it happened to me... absolutely!  Why would something like this happen to a healthy person, and what would this mean for my future with Pete, my husband, and with our kids?  I also get frustrated that I'm not able to do simple things without feeling weak and out of breath.

It was especially during my stay at the hospital that I struggled with some of these questions.  We were overwhelmed with information and suddenly I had to take so many different drugs, and then deal with the side effects.  Yet it was during this time that God ministered to me through his Word in a huge way.  Though I'd read through my Bible and the Psalms many times, it spoke to me in a totally different way.  I clung to every word like it was my nourishment, knowing that no matter what, God loved me and was concerned about what happened to me.

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.  The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."  Psalm 116: 5-7

The Psalmist turns to the only one who will dry all of our tears (Isa. 25:8); the one who carries all our sorrows (Isa. 53:4).  Without denying our pain, Scripture gives us a proper perspective, something we can easily lose in times of emotional or physical trauma and crisis.

My family has witnessed many very real miracles lately and we all have no doubt of God's grace and mercy in our lives, so our prayer is that we live with grateful hearts, willing to serve where he will use us.

How has God surprised me over the course of dealing with this?  I would never have believed this could happen to me.  I always thought if someone had a heart attack, they usually die.  God has surprised me and overwhelmed us with love from our church family and friends.  He has surprised me with that, because until you are at the receiving end, you can hardly imagine it.  He has surprised me that even though we've lived through three emergency situations in a short while (with my husband's fall off a ladder and my daughter's car accident), we can still laugh together and love each other.  I'm sure we live differently now.  We know without a doubt that God answers prayer and we've all grown closer to Him through it all.  I look at my husband of 27 years and thank God that through all of this he too has grown so much, and we can celebrate our love in a deeper, more meaningful way than ever before.

I wouldn't say I'm glad for all the things we've been through, and yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

(Joyce Douwes is the Chair of the Waterloo Women Alive team. Read more about Joyce in Face to Face.)