Is Your Attitude Blocking Your Communication?

April 2007

Did you know that only about 11% of our verbal communication with others is the actual words we say?  The rest is body language, or what the body communicates to the other person.  So, if I say, “I really love you,” and have my arms crossed in front of me, am rolling my eyes, speaking in a loud angry voice and my face is red with veins popping out, do you really get the message “I love you”?

Many people have trouble communicating with others (particularly those who are very close to them).  This is often because there is a different message being transmitted by their body (facial features, eye contact, physical posturing) than what is being said with their mouth.  When there is a discrepancy, which message do you think the other will receive?  The message of the body.

To ensure that your mouth and your body match up in communication, use a normal tone of voice, speak the truth calmly and clearly, have direct eye contact with the other person and make sure your body language is open and non-threatening.  That means, having your body parts relaxed (arms and legs quiet) and your posture neutral (not “in the others’ face, pointing a finger, etc.). 

Communication that is respectful has a far greater possibility of being received by another.  Ask yourself, would I talk to teacher, mentor, pastor, friend that way?  If not, you are probably coming on too strong and the other person will immediately be put on the defensive.  Know in advance what you want to say.  Write down the major points you want to make and rehearse them before “the big talk.”  If body language continues to be a barrier to your communication, you may find telephone or e-mail conversations a better way to get your point across.