What is a Grandparent?

June 2004

by Dr. Libby Skidmore

From an eight year old point of view, a grandparent is one who wears glasses and funny underwear.  In reality, a grandparent may be the only stable and reliable person in a child's life.  We have no control over how our adult children raise our grandchildren, but we can ensure the grandchildren get the love and nurturing they need by being available and providing an attentive listening ear.  In today's world where so many women work outside the home, kids are hustled and bustled everywhere to the tune of "hurry up."  How lovely for children to have at least one person in their lives who isn't in a hurry and who has time to play and cuddle.

Our three main resources as grandparents are our energy, time and money, all of which need to be budgeted carefully. When it comes to grandparenting, the rule of thumb is "Do it willingly and graciously or don't do it at all."  Know your limits and how to say no respectfully (respecting both your own right to say no and the others' right to be treated with respect).  You must be committed to taking care of yourself if you want to remain available to them.

How to be a top-notch grandmother:

• Teach by example.
• Let them (your adult children and your grandchildren) make as many mistakes as possible without rescuing them.
• Think before you speak.
• Listen without moralizing or lecturing.
• Stories and metaphors have more power than direct commands or passionate pleas.
• Treat all your grandchildren equally.
• It's okay to say no.  It's everyone's privilege.
• When grandparenting from a distance, stay in touch by phone, email, cards and visits.

She opens her mouth in wisdom.
The law of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26