Forgiving Enough to Love

by Vinetta Sanderson

March 2005

I'm reading a great little book for my morning devotions, "In His Everlasting Arms" by Gail MacDonald.  Daily I am both comforted and challenged by the simple yet probing truths she presents as she intersperses story with Scripture.

Here is what she says about forgiveness...

"The path toward forgiveness is one all of us must choose if we are to follow after Jesus, the One whose death makes forgiveness possible.  I've tested these principles of forgiveness, not only in my life, but in the lives of many with whom I've walked through hard times in four decades.

No one needs God's loving arms more than one being called on to forgive or be forgiven.  The act of forgiving one another is at the crux of every healthy relationship.  In most situations, it's a God-sized task."

One of the chapters in Gail's book retells a story originally written in Reader's Digest. The story is one of forgiving love... loving enough to forgive and forgiving enough to love. Here's the story:

"Edith Taylor's husband held a construction job that took him overseas to Okinawa after World War II.  The two had agreed that, for economic reasons, it was best that she remain at home.

Months of separation passed, marked by almost daily letters.  But as time went on, the letters from Okinawa came less and less frequently.  Then one day a letter arrived that changed Edith Taylor's life forever.  Her husband wanted a divorce.  He'd met a young Asian woman whom he wished to marry.

Edith agreed to the divorce, asking only that her husband be in touch with her occasionally so she would know something of the direction of his new life.  He promised he would.

Over the next few years, Edith's former husband fathered two daughters with his Japanese wife.  As the announcement of each birth came, Edith would send a greeting and a gift.  Then one day a letter arrived announcing the news that Mr. Taylor was terminally ill.  Edith wrote to assure him that after his death she would do anything necessary to look after the welfare of his Asian family.

After his funeral, Edith invited his two daughters to come to America to live with her, since their mother was financially unable to care for them.  But when the daughters came, it soon became clear that the separation of mother and daughters was unbearable.  So within a few months, Edith Taylor made it possible for their mother to join them.  In the years that followed, both women and the two daughters shared a home in Massachusetts. 

Edith had given herself the gift of forgiving someone else, and that generous act of mercy came back to bless the rest of her life."

How does someone forgive enough to love like that? 

Jesus certainly taught and demonstrated forgiveness, but if you have ever had cause to forgive or be forgiven, you know it doesn't come easily.  Long before the emotions are ready, the will must choose and continually practice forgiveness before the pain subsides. But the results are always worth the effort!  It's life-changing!

The following are steps you can take toward receiving and giving forgiveness:

1.  Receive forgiveness.
     1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us (purify us) from all unrighteousness."

 2.  Release the guilt of sin and shame. (Forgive yourself)
      Psa.32:5 "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" - and you forgave the guilt of my sin."
      Isa. 43:25 "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

When we have received forgiveness, we are expected to give forgiveness.  (Remember the parable Jesus told of the one who was forgiven but would not forgive?  Matt.18:21-35)

  3.  Acknowledge your hurt or offense and choose to forgive.
     Many times in the Psalms, David cries out to the Lord about his own sinfulness and the desperate circumstances he found himself in because of those who were against him. Psalm 142 was written while he was hiding in a cave. "I cry aloud to the Lord;  I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.  I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble... Set me free from my prison that I may praise your name."

     Matt.6:14 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you."  
     Col.3:13 "You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

  4.  Renounce & Release Vengeance  (revenge is an unquenchable fire that is never satisfied.)
       Romans 12:17-19 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil... If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 

   5. Practice Forgiveness  (repeat as often as required!)
      Matt. 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?"  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

   6.  Cover the Past
       Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
       Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses."
       1 Cor. 13:5 "... Love... keeps no record of when it has been wronged."

    7. Show acts of kindness on purpose
       Romans 12:20-21 "On the contrary:  "If your enemy is hungry, feed him;  if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Forgiveness will change your life.  If you need God's forgiveness, ask Him and He will willingly forgive all your sin. 

If you need to forgive someone who has hurt you, you must first understand that forgiveness does not condone their behaviour or release them from 'payment'.  But you are not going to ever extract enough payment to satisfy the pain you feel.  Unforgiveness is a prison - but you are the prisoner, not your offender.  Forgiveness truly sets you free from their hold on you.  Then you can leave them to God.  It will surprise you, when you choose and practice forgiveness, everything will change - your attitude, your actions, your life.  Try it!