Does Someone You Love Need Help?

September 2005

It is difficult to watch our loved ones suffer and sometimes even more difficult to watch them hurt others.  Problem behaviors include a wide range of actions such as addiction; rage and anger; verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse; anxiety and/or panic attacks; eating disorders; self-mutilation; suicide attempts; school or work refusal; social withdrawal and isolation;  and a variety of risky behaviors (overspending, sexual promiscuity, road-rage, poor investments), etc.

If you have ever lived with someone who is hurting, you know they are often unreceptive to our efforts to help them.  While it is important to respect the other's privacy and need for 'space', there are some situations that require immediate intervention (alcohol or drug addiction, suicidal behavior, severe anorexia or bulimia are some examples).  Choose the proper time and place to communicate with your loved one.  Use a normal tone of voice and be sure your body language and posture are neutral and nonthreatening.

Here are some ideas to keep in mind:

1.    Talk with the person calmly and non-judgmentally about your concerns.

2.    Offer support and encouragement.

3.    Be willing to go with your loved one to seek professional help.

4.    Don't take it personally if the individual refuses help.

5.    Honestly assess what part you play in the continuence of the problem.

6.    Take responsibility for your part, and change what you can.

7.    Allow the individual to experience the consequences of his/her behavior;  avoid 'rescuing'.

8.    Remember:  Some people have to 'hit bottom' before they reach for help.  Be patient and prayerful.

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and he will act. 
Psalm 37:5

The prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
James 5:16

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Dr. Libby Skidmore ... Wife, mother of three, and Registered Psychologist, Dr. Skidmore enjoys equipping women with simple life changing 'how-to's' to improve their lives.  Visit her on-line at www.drlibbyskidmore.com.